Fitness Obsessed Diagnosed with MS

.......And so my story begins

WTF - On the 27th January 2020, around 2.30pm, my world as I know it turned upside down. From the time of writing, that was six days ago.  

I was going in to speak to the neurologist at the HampshireClinic in Basingstoke, after having a two part spine and brain MRI in the couple of weeks previously. On the initial appointment, he seemed pretty confident that it was NOT going to be MS, so I went in last Monday thinking a few pills, injection at worst and all would be right.

I’ve got to be honest, the moment, he said those letters – M.S – I don’t really remember much else of it but luckily my husband, @Neil was there to ask the sensible things one should ask.

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is a condition that affects your brain and spinal cord. In MS, the coating that protects your nerves (myelin) is damaged. This causes a range of symptoms like blurred vision and problems with how we move think and feel.Words from mssociety.org.uk

Now I’ve had a few days to try process it, it all seems kind of obvious really. I think I can remember the first time I had ‘jelly legs’ it was probably after the London marathon around 3 years ago, it was pretty horrible, but gone within a few minutes, so didn’t really think much more of it, after all I had just done a marathon! It then started happening after half marathons, 10ks and even 5ks when I had pushed myself quite hard. I remember saying to someone after a Park Run in Basingstoke, my legs felt like that were collapsing, really thinking, it was age, and surely it happened to everyone!

It has been really hard to describe the feeling to anyone, the best I could manage was ‘drunk legs’, the legs basically not doing what the brain was telling them to. Thanks to @Sarah for the long runs and support over this time – I must have done her head in!

It was perhaps even more annoying when it started happening at CrossFit, when pushing myself (which by the way I love doing), during even the shorter workouts with running, rowing, squatting, box jumps, and skipping notably the worst.

I think probably it came to a bit of a head when I had a particularly bad case of it in October last year during the Basingstoke Half Marathon, and found myself literally having to throw myself over the finish line. There are some really bad pictures of me somewhere. A few friends and runners at my local club expressed their concerns, but being the hilliest route ever, I still kind of put it down to again pushing myself too hard and found myself doing the Great South Run two weeks after that.

I noticed as well over the last couple of years, my balance going, but was really trying to do more standing on one foot, yoga and stretching, not really to any avail, but in my head it was helping!

I had many a visit to the GP, but they always put the issues down to tiredness, and thus it continued. Luckily, through the Private Health I have at work I went to a physio, who then referred me to a neurologist just before Christmas.

Ever since I can remember I’ve been into fitness, running and sports as a child, then completing my first marathon when I was 24 I think! I have done 11 marathons now, (one being the Marathon du Medoc https://www.marathondumedoc.com/with @Dave and crew, mainly fuelled by red wine, ice cream and oysters in Bordeaux – double my fastest marathon time, but such fun!), hundreds of half marathons, 10 milers, 10ks, Hell Runners, Tough Guy, Triathlons and for the last six years have been CrossFit obsessed, to the extent of the amazing Hangar, garage gym at home. Thank you Neilly.

This is an honest diary with no frills, so look away now if you’d prefer not to know, but unfortunately it didn’t stop just with the legs, and have experienced progressingly worse bladder and bowl issues.

Writing it all down now, and having looked at the symptoms for Primary Progressive MS on the Charity websites, it’s just all too familiar. And although I mentioned it at the beginning I never actually thought I had the disease. Not in a million years. Now I have so many questions, did I do it to myself? Did I not rest enough? Did I push too hard? Get too stressed at work, drink too much, and what the hell is going to happen in the future?

I have literally no idea.

The neurologist did say not to google too much, so I haven’t done much yet as to not scare the shit out of myself, but so far, I can’t find anyone that may have been diagnosed in a similar way to me, anyone that can’t imagine a life without CrossFit and running. I’m sure they are out there but at the moment, it’s just me!!!

Right let’s get something straight, my worst nightmare would be pity, so I don’t mean to be self-obsessed and selfish. I know it could be a lot worse, that people have far more problems than not being able to do a 60kg clean (those who know, know) or run a 3.20 marathon.

The few bits I have read online, are eyes being affected and concentration going (now that’s always been a problem, I blame my father), tiredness but more than anything, it says everyone is different, so who knows. The neurologist did say the drug for this particular type of MS has only just made legal in the UK last year 2019, whereas before there was nothing for it at all. Although there is no cure, it hopefully will stop it from getting worse. It doesn’t sound very nice, but next stage, having been referred back to the NHS, is waiting for Southampton Hospital specialist MS department to get in touch.

I think I have to get my mental state right before anything else, I have a stressful job that I have always wanted to give 500 percent. I’ve travelled too much, not slept through stressing, feeling not good enough or disliked is a constant battle. It’s the same with fitness and at home, not giving everything the same 500 percent. I hate inefficiency, I hate wasting time, and I hate not being busy. I get annoyed being stuck in traffic, the train being delayed or laziness – god I sound like a bitch – see what I mean!

Breathe!

Back to exercise. When I do a workout, I like the kind that leaves you feeling absolutely fucked at the end, the HERO WODs, the ones where you feel like you’ve done everything you can and put everything into it. I love those and it scares me not being able to do that anymore. I like to be pushed and to push myself to the limit. So, it also scares me, that I have to completely change my lifetime mind-set and goals, so this will be a journey, a really hard one but I definitely don’t want this to get the better of me, and I definitely don’t want to end up in a wheelchair.

I saw the amazing Laura @BambooHolistics for a reflexology session last week, and she gave some great advice, first just write down everything that is positive in your life right now.

So to start, I married the love of my life last year and don’t know what I’d do without him, I have amazing family and friends and I have a cat called Fizz who is being unusually very loving at the moment – I’ll take that – and the list will continue. Taking some time out next week in Wales with mum, having a few days on the coast of Pembrokeshire is always good to re-evaluate – and of course teed up the local CrossFit box, I’m coming back!

Again, back to the exercise! Started with a ‘bro sesh’ with Neil yesterday, and for those interested in my kind of now MS scaled WODs this was today’s NC60 actually programmed for tomorrow. I have also have read how particularly important it’s going to be or me to warm everything up properly, and that another thing to get around is that I am never going to be able to compare with before. 😢

Strict press

1-1-1-1-1 –  up to a dodgy 35kg

WOD

40-30-20

Cals Bike

12-12-12

Strict DB Press with 2 x 8KG

30-30-30

Sit Ups

This was for time, so 17.30 trying to take a bit easy. Oh and sorry Neilly (on a flight to Florida for work at the moment), from now on Sundays I promise will be a yoga only day.

I have no idea on the MS hashtags, I’m more down with the CrossFit, but so here begins a new chapter!