Anxiety levels are at an all time high at the moment in the world as Covid-19 takes over our lives, and that’s without MS to add to the equation. But, with all this going on, a totally surreal and sickening situation, it has almost made me feel like everyone is going through an unknown territory along with me and it’s dare I say, good to be in the midst of something that we are all going through together at the same time, it felt quite lonely for a while and I can’t believe this has happened in parallel.
Whether it’s added to the mass stress I already have (and in no way am I belittling this situation or taking anything for granted about the seriousness and the horrific consequences we are seeing very close to home), I couldn’t be sure, but in a weird way and somewhat selfishly, work, Neil being at home and everyone feeling on edge, is kind of how I’ve felt since I’ve found out and now it feels a bit like we’re all in it together as a team, and it’s actually bringing people together more and more. Many people have reached out to me and for that I thank you.
Unfortunately at the time of writing this, what I do know, is that I haven’t been able to sleep properly and that in turn has made every health issue seem a million times worse.
I have swapped and changed drugs what seems a million times already, one seems to counteract the other, and these are not even the actual MS drugs, these are for symptoms around MS, whether it’s the jaw, the eye, the sleep, the anxiety, the bladder, the bowels. They (the drugs) apparently are all essential and I must find the concoction that works! I have been getting so confused and forgetful, trying to remember even a few seconds after what I have taken (yep the mind has still gone atm and sure i have accidentally taken 2 of the same on at least one occasion), Neil has bought me one of those weekly plastic tub things, split up by day and time. Joy, this is what it has come to, although I prepared and chopped all yesterday, and has been a delight today - I’m just wondering whether I can ‘swallow’ perhaps 5 at the same time just for fun (I do like to be efficient) or whether that is ill advised. Well was thinking they are all going to get mixed up once in anyway, but perhaps I should wait and ask the nurse that in due course...
Going back to ‘Anything mentionable is manageable’ that is how I’ve felt again, chronically fatigued, and unable to sleep despite myself.
Today is the first day I’ve felt like I can bring pen to paper, “despite CrossFitting in the morning?” i hear you all scream, BUT that kind of feels like something I don’t need to think about it, whether that has been making me worse in the afternoon physically, I am declining to think about, I am sure CBT, Lyn will tell me off, Sorry! I just know mentally it makes me more stable, being able to do it and a sense of being ‘normal’ is massively what I need at the moment.
Day 1 Lockdown - 24 March 2020
Fast forward a few days from when I wrote the above we are now in shut down following Borris’s announcement last night. I actually haven’t left Sherfield Park since last Thursday or left home apart from thehangar or the local Nisa.
We take things for granted, the shops being open, the pub there for you when you fancy a glass of wine or a pint, the bin men coming, nail salons, hairdressers, everything, society just works. Now what happens? Everyone goes into panic mode, our grey roots appear (even when the hairdresser is your best friend they can’t sort out the horror via FaceTime and TBH the consequence would cause us both too many nightmares I agree Sarah!) , nails get grubby (god forbid we have to do them ourselves), Tesco is emptied of essentials by 8am with everyone fighting for the last toilet roll. Last week pre apocalypse was actually told by the shop assistant I was only allowed one pack however many was in it (we genuinely needed some, I had 2x4 as that was all that was on the shelf) luckily she then nicely found me a pack of 8 - taking away from me both 4s - that she had confiscated before me!
Now, having changed drugs and the time of day taking them yet another time, and having taken Neil’s US melatonin he brought back from the last work trip, I have managed to sleep (you guys are lucky!). Although am in slight panic mode as I write as have now taken them all, and the ‘good stuff’ is not available here, so am now awaiting (it’s a 5 day wait, I’m on day 3) the doctor’s prescription to be ready at Boots for collection (if I’m allowed)! We can talk medicinal weed next time.....
Anyway...
@EdJackson8 reached out to me last week, an inspiration to all, a former pro rugby player, who had a horrific accident leaving him quadriplegic. Ever since he has been proving everyone wrong and literally been ‘climbing mountains’ mentally and physically. His words to me were “Life has a funny way of testing us, but overcoming these challenges that makes us who we are” I think that is relevant to all of us at the moment, we need to find ways to cope in a new situation, it’s not forever. We need to be kind, to think about our peers and find new ways to entertain ourselves. Staying at home at the moment, WILL save lives, not ours perhaps, but the more vulnerable, the weak and we need to think about our savours in the NHS. We are lucky to have this in the UK, we can’t take anything for granted.
My dad’s locked up in Italy, singing on the balcony in a Prosecco fuelled Casperia, my mum in Pembrokeshire, an equally beautiful Wales but both on their own and love to you both and see you very soon.
Here in Amazingstoke @all.sarah29, @boylaaaa @zoec196, @flobroughton and I have a great 7.45am online WOD gang going on, a Zoom sesh of either #NC60 or #CrossFitBasingstoke me @ thehangar, Flo in her fab garage gym, the others in garden enjoying the sun or lounges keeping the neighbours happy - it keeps our daily morning sessions and coffees going, without the expense of Starbucks! Also, I am attending the brilliant @CrossFitBasingstoke online training at lunch, I love it and it’s great to keep up with the gang, as well as saving on the petrol!
If anyone is feeling isolated, sad or just needs some fun, we all do, please reach out we are lucky enough to have the internet - imagine if we didn’t! This is a time to come together and what better way to do it than over a few burpees - you love it you know it Neilly!
Love to you all - stay home - sort out the drawers!
Han x
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