Numb left thumb

To the left to the left (there’s a Beyoncé song there somewhere)

To be honest, the numb thumb is the least of my problems, but is something I seem to have had for a while. It’s a kind of a pins and needles sensation that doesn’t ever go and it is rather annoying. Just thought I’d mention - I read an insta post recently - about someone who’s whole MS journey started with a numb big toe, if only I knew!

I should probably start with my eye, again on the left. So a couple of weeks ago - post the starting and stopping of the new Sertraline drug and the lack of sleep - my left eye became blurry. I did put this down to the above and figured everything would be clear again soon, however 10 days later it was still no better. So amongst the Corona chaos I spoke to the GP again who asked me to immediately go and see him. This somewhat surprised me as I am pretty used to being fobbed off! Anyway half an hour later I popped back over to the Chineham surgery and there I was told by the doctor he thought I had Optic Neurosis (another MS symptom) and was urgently referring me over to the Basingstoke eye centre at the hospital. I was really upset, I’m pretty sick of the ‘names’ and felt totally exhausted I guess, not really knowing what it was or having any info. Last week I was still feeling pretty tired and down so yet another shock to the system. 

However that night and morning, I read up a lot more about it and was feeling positive the next day that I would see properly again! Basingstoke hospital then phoned me up on the Friday, 2 days later and went straight in there to see the specialist eye doctor. 

I had the start of a cold and sneezed so was made to wear a mask, something not that easy when putting your eyes into the eye device (whatever it’s called) and needing to breathe at the same time. The eye doctor confirmed the GP’s diagnosis and said that I would need to see a neurologist, and that she would send an urgent note to Southampton to bring my actual NHS appointment forward currently on 17 April. Apparently it needs steroids to hurry the healing process up. 

Fast forward to today (Wednesday) and still no word, so I phone Southampton, who say they know nothing, phone GP who can’t help but give me the number of Basingstoke hospital eye centre, phone them they say the ‘urgent letter’ was sent, I then re-phone Southampton who say yes was actually received and viewed but deemed ‘not urgent enough’ to bring forward the appointment and suggest asking Basingstoke to make the note ‘more urgent’. So, I then phone again only to be told she wouldn’t change as have given all the facts - so 6 weeks more of blurry eye I have. 

Note - not to get in touch with DVLA quite yet. 

Sticking with the left theme, it feels a cursed side, left leg, hip, previous running injuries, all problems seem to be worse on the left. It might be a co-incidence but when my legs go and they turn to jelly, it’s the left knee that jars. I’m going to reinvestigate my medical history, as bet the lump that was taken out was from the left boob and that the giant cyst that was growing on my ovary and removed 5 years ago was on the left - damn the left - although this I’m guessing!

I’ve been engaging more with the community around MS on instagram and within the charities, and whereas i don’t feel quite ready to join a real life group, it’s really nice to see the amount of different aged people there are with a similar diagnosis and the support everyone gives each other. It’s equally then pretty scary to hear a lot of their stories and symptoms and I’m really torn as to how much of myself to give to this disease or how much to just s*d it and carry on as normal! 

I’m sure at CBT tomorrow I will get told not to look at it quite like that, and that resetting somewhat with this diagnosis is vital - which I am trying - I promise - I mean even Sarah said yesterday that she was quite impressed with my scaling at CrossFit this week, choosing the novice versions over the RX, although wasn’t sure on my additional box step ups that I thought I’d add for fun. However would take that as a positive step forward (not up!). 

And I have of course added yoga, meditation and Pilates to my schedule - now I haven’t done Pilates probably since the 90’s (as you can imagine, it’s always been a slightly boring concept to me), however it’s apparently good for MS and on at DW (FF) so went yesterday with my new found free time. I actually quite enjoyed it, was pretty relaxing and we used this kind of circle thing (no I’m not up with the Pilates lingo) for some core and stability stuff, very Jane Fonda I thought - pulse, pulse, pulse she goes (the small things!). 

Another thing I noticed on @MS_trippingonair - a Canadian blogger who kindly reached out to me, was that her MS had made her colour blind, which seems quite mad, as I have always thought I was colour blind - joking to Neilly in the past that it’s supposed to be men that are. Not true in our case as he has always been able to advise me on fashion mishaps and mismatches!

Anyway, getting this one done early especially for Gary in our 7am CrossFit class, hi morning crew and see you tomorrow!

To the right to the right...

Han xx